"fake a smile and you sigh"--guster

i like moments. i like reading books and figuring out what i think would be the exact moment the author came up with story. i like watching movies and deciding which scene the director visualize which made him/her approach the movie as was done. i always keep this to myself (mostly because i don't believe it to be a very interesting topic of discussion...but also, i really don't care to hear anyone else's opinion on the matter), but i s'pose if i were intently (and freakishly) watched while reading a book or watching a movie, one would be able to know when i think i've got it figured out.

i like moments in life too. okay...i take that back. i don't like moments in life. i'm not talking about moments like the time dad put his hand on your shoulder as a quiet sign of his new-found respect for you. i mean moments like when you say something like "probably" to a patient and suddenly you see he trusts you a little less, or like when you blurt out a random thought and watch a face completely become stone before it can fall, or when you ask a kid who is mommy's sister, and you see a light just click and suddenly family makes sense to her. each is defining in its own way...each dealt with in its own way...but mostly those are the things i remember.

and really, this post is boring and random and so what? as i've been trying to sleep here on my couch, i've been looking out at the rain and the trees and thinking of moments...of shifts in eyes and curls of lips. thinking of gasps of realization, and sighs of relief. reading people and coming one step closer to understanding their individual characters. though many of them i'll rarely or never see again, i feel more complete when i'm through...and that's always kind of nice.

(note: the lyrics above are from an old guster song called "mona lisa" which is also one of the reasons why i was thinking about all of this. heh)

(note 2: i was thinking about changing the name to my blog. i'm not sure "burgher joint" cuts it anymore. one problem is that now the address to the place is under that name, which i guess is not a big deal at all. if anyone is for or against this idea, please let me know. in the meantime, if i can think of something else, i'll do it...otherwise it stays until i find something else that seems to fit better)